I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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