If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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