She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
