Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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