you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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