so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
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so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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