i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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