the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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