He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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