We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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