I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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