alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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