Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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