I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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