I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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