Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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