There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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