Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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