you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize