Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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