My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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