need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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