that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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