I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is wine microwaveable?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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