Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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