I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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