Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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