then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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