I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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