I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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