I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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