The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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