also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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