Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
