i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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