Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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