First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize