if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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