the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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