She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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