Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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