Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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