I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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