i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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