Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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