This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am naked and annoyed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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