i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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