I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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