my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize