too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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