WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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